Amar demais pode ser dependência e requer tratamento.
Assim como o vício em álcool e drogas, o amor patológico leva à perda de controle e liberdade de escolha.
‘Amei muito. Amor para mim sempre foi uma coisa muito grande’. A última fala da personagem Dalva de Oliveira na mini série ‘Dalva e Herivelto’, exibida pela TV Globo na primeira semana de janeiro, evidencia sua dedicação extrema nos relacionamentos. Os episódios da série abordaram a história da artista, cantora da era de ouro do rádio, com o compositor Herivelto Martins.
Dalva fala sobre seu amor até no leito de morte, anos após a separação e de uma relação turbulenta, com traição, violência e falta de atenção do então marido. Ela é uma mulher que amou demais, um quadro de dependência, assim como o abuso de drogas e álcool.
É natural que a mulher seja carinhosa e atenciosa com seu parceiro. Mas quando esse comportamento é exagerado e o relacionamento supera todos os outros interesses, é possível que se trate de amor patológico. ‘Como qualquer dependência, essa contamina todas as áreas da vida. Gera negligência com os filhos, profissão e com o corpo. Essas mulheres se anulam completamente e ficam com a autoestima destruída‘, explica a psiquiatra. Monica Zilberman.
Os comportamentos que caracterizam o amor patológico são diferentes, embora tenham em comum o padrão repetitivo. ‘Há casos de mulheres controladoras que querem ter domínio afetivo e outras que aceitam humilhações para manter o relacionamento’, diz Mônica.
Abrir mão de compromissos, ciúmes ou dificuldade em estabelecer vínculos afetivos duradouros também são indícios de dependência amorosa. Esses comportamentos comprometem a saúde mental, física e vêm acompanhados de muito sofrimento, seja o amor correspondido ou não. ‘Parece mais com cocaína. A paciente sabe que aquilo faz mal, que o relacionamento é uma porcaria, mas não consegue ficar sem. Ela não consegue dizer não’, relata a psiquiatra.
Os quadros de amor patológico podem acontecer associados à depressão, ansiedade, e até tentativas de suicídio. Isoladamente ocorre em indivíduos com personalidade vulnerável, sentimento de abandono e insegurança afetiva. Grupos de ajuda, medicação e tratamento psiquiátrico são opções de tratamento para mulheres que sofrem com o problema.
Quando pedir ajuda
O extremo da atitude de Amanda, professora de 24 anos, foi a tentativa de agredir fisicamente a professora da faculdade do marido em função de ciúmes. Ela mantinha um relacionamento em clima de vigilância e controle excessivo. ‘Eu era insuportável. Não deixava ninguém falar com ele’, conta. ‘Eu deixava tudo para ficar com ele. Sair, ir ao cinema, até de marcar médico, porque queria que ele fosse junto’.
A mudança só começou quando o marido de Amanda pediu a separação. ‘Me desesperei, perdi o meu mundo. Eu chorava o tempo todo. Eu não deixava ele sair de casa, gritava’, relata ela. Em busca de ajuda e uma segunda chance com o parceiro, ela buscou ajuda em sessões de terapia. ‘A psicóloga me ajudou a ver que eu não me valorizava e que existia mundo além dele’.
Grupos de ajuda no Brasil:
DASA (Dependentes de Amor e de Sexo Anônimos)
www.slaa.org.br
MADA (Mulheres que Amam Demais Anônimas)
www.grupomada.com.br
Fonte: IG
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